I officially have less than 2 months left here in Liberia at Ricks Institute. It's hard to believe how quickly the last 8 months have gone by. It feels like just yesterday I was home in FL trying to figure out what I needed to pack and how to make it all fit in my two suitcases. Yet here I am, mid-April, done with 5 of 6 marking periods for the school year.
As my time in Liberia is winding down, I find myself facing a familiar dilemma I like to call "the in-between." This problem is one I have faced many times in the past and know I will face many more times in the future. Basically, the dilemma is that I am in one place that I love with people that I love doing something that I love, but I'm also preparing and looking forward to being in a new place, meeting new people, and doing new things that are all tremendously exciting in a completely different way.
Liberia has become a new home to me. Many of the friends I've made here joke that Ann Elizabeth and I are real Liberian women; there are times we know directions to a place that others don't, we've become fairly proficient in understanding and occasionally even speaking Liberian English, and we notice the subtle changes in weather unique to a tropical climate. I've heard several people who have spent time in Liberia talk about "catching the bug"; once you come to Liberia, something about it stays with you and changes you and holds your heart so you can never forget this place or fully leave it. Thinking about saying goodbye is tough, and I know I will be incredibly sad to leave this place and especially the people I've come to know here in LIB.
But, I've also got some pretty exciting stuff on the not-too-distant horizon. My sister will be getting married two weeks after I return home, I'm working for Passport St. Louis for one week trying out a new kind of camp, I get to spend time with my family at the beach, I'm hoping to make a trip up to Winston-Salem, I'll go to a retreat for all Student.Go and Passport workers in Birmingham... and then on top of that I get to move to a new city, make all new friends, and begin the next 4-5 years of my life as a PhD student (for those who didn't see the Facebook post, I'm going to Vanderbilt in Nashville, TN!). I've heard nothing but great things about the program I will be in, Vanderbilt, and Nashville as a whole. This is something I've been working towards and planning for over several years, so the fact that it is now about 4 months away is so exciting!
I think this feeling of being between things - still clinging to one place while looking forward to moving on to the next - can be summed up by a question people have been asking me a lot lately; "So, Holly, how does it feel to be going home in less than 2 months?" My answer reflects "the in-between"; "I'm equal parts sad and excited. Sad to leave Liberia, excited to be going home." In the meantime, I'm doing my best to embrace the present and to take in every moment of these last two months in Liberia. I know I will be sitting Stateside in no time, so I'm trying not to wish a way a single moment of what remains of my Liberian adventure. A lot can happen in two months, and I'm excited to see what these last 2 will bring!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Frustration
Ever since I found out I would be living in Liberia for a year, I find myself often engaging in conversations with other people who have spent time in Africa. Throughout these conversations I have learned a lot about the differences between our experiences and various countries in Africa. Despite the many differences though, I have noticed a common thread running throughout each person's "Africa-experience" narrative. Almost everyone I have talked to who has spent significant time in Africa agrees that the experience was simultaneously one of the most rewarding and one of the most frustrating experiences they have ever had. I agree completely.
The joys and rewards of living in Liberia are undoubtedly many. I feel like I blog about these "ups" often, and I hope you agree! There have been nights when I lay in bed just feeling joyfully content, for no reason in particular. Some mornings I wake up feeling like something is right in life, and walk to school in awe of the places and people I have come to know over the past 8 months. These are sweet moments, and thankfully they have not been rare.
Also not so rare, however, have been moments of enormous frustration; moments when I feel like nothing I do matters for anything, that no one is listening or learning, that things will never change, and that I should just walk away. This little voice of pessimism is one that I normally do not hear. Those who know me well know that, despite some whining and occasional self-pity, I'm generally an overwhelmingly positive, optimistic, "the glass is more than half full" kind of person. To experience moments of frustration as deep as I have in the last 8 months has been a challenge for me in and of itself.
What brings about such great frustration? I have a great deal of time trying to answer this question. Why do I get so mad? What is it that bothers me so greatly? I think I have finally come up with an answer; it's facing problems bigger than I've ever faced, and knowing I can not solve them on my own.
When I'm angry that everyone in 7th grade scored below a 60% on their first decimals quiz, it's easy for me to think that I'm doing something wrong. Even as one who is not a teacher by trade, I know that a basic rule of teaching states that if more than half of your class is failing, the teacher is not doing a good job. But how can this be, when 6 of 10 questions come directly from 3 pages in the book or notes repeatedly given in class? It turns out that my students never study for math. Although it's partly a result of lack of individual motivation, it's also a result of culture - the students have not typically been expected to go home and read their math text book... they don't normally even have a text book!
Or time. Oh man, time. I know the States has a unique obsession with time not shared by every country, but Liberian time is something else! For example, I wrote a few entries back about the Miss Ricks Pageant. The night of the pageant the program was supposed to start by 7:00pm (they even printed 6:45 on the tickets) so it could end by 11pm at the latest (so the students wouldn't be too tired for school the next day). When I was up at the building at 7:30pm only 1 contestant was present and about 5 spectators. I found out after the show that it actually started at 9:00pm and ended at 12:45am. Due to that, and some other organizational issues with the pageant, I was too frustrated by it all to even stay and watch the show. And it was tempting to blame people - individuals - for the delay. But the reality is that the Liberian culture is not time-conscious. Most people do not even have a clock or a watch... the only clock in the whole school is in the front of the building. So the frustration is not with one person who dropped the ball - it's with a culture that functions differently than I am used to.
These are just a few small examples - and these not even explained as thoroughly as needed to really elucidate the source of my frustration. Feeling this much frustration is not always fun - it is often draining and defeating. Yet I think it's important to talk about this frustration. If my frustration really does result from being confronted with problems bigger than myself, then it's essential that I talk about these problems. If the effects and relentless cycle of extreme poverty frustrate me, then great - that's a start. But frustration is not enough. Frustration must turn to empowerment, empowerment to action, and action to a solution. I continue to pray daily for patience to understand and face my frustrations and do what I can about them, but also for strength not to turn away from frustration but to be motivated by it to do something more.
The joys and rewards of living in Liberia are undoubtedly many. I feel like I blog about these "ups" often, and I hope you agree! There have been nights when I lay in bed just feeling joyfully content, for no reason in particular. Some mornings I wake up feeling like something is right in life, and walk to school in awe of the places and people I have come to know over the past 8 months. These are sweet moments, and thankfully they have not been rare.
Also not so rare, however, have been moments of enormous frustration; moments when I feel like nothing I do matters for anything, that no one is listening or learning, that things will never change, and that I should just walk away. This little voice of pessimism is one that I normally do not hear. Those who know me well know that, despite some whining and occasional self-pity, I'm generally an overwhelmingly positive, optimistic, "the glass is more than half full" kind of person. To experience moments of frustration as deep as I have in the last 8 months has been a challenge for me in and of itself.
What brings about such great frustration? I have a great deal of time trying to answer this question. Why do I get so mad? What is it that bothers me so greatly? I think I have finally come up with an answer; it's facing problems bigger than I've ever faced, and knowing I can not solve them on my own.
When I'm angry that everyone in 7th grade scored below a 60% on their first decimals quiz, it's easy for me to think that I'm doing something wrong. Even as one who is not a teacher by trade, I know that a basic rule of teaching states that if more than half of your class is failing, the teacher is not doing a good job. But how can this be, when 6 of 10 questions come directly from 3 pages in the book or notes repeatedly given in class? It turns out that my students never study for math. Although it's partly a result of lack of individual motivation, it's also a result of culture - the students have not typically been expected to go home and read their math text book... they don't normally even have a text book!
Or time. Oh man, time. I know the States has a unique obsession with time not shared by every country, but Liberian time is something else! For example, I wrote a few entries back about the Miss Ricks Pageant. The night of the pageant the program was supposed to start by 7:00pm (they even printed 6:45 on the tickets) so it could end by 11pm at the latest (so the students wouldn't be too tired for school the next day). When I was up at the building at 7:30pm only 1 contestant was present and about 5 spectators. I found out after the show that it actually started at 9:00pm and ended at 12:45am. Due to that, and some other organizational issues with the pageant, I was too frustrated by it all to even stay and watch the show. And it was tempting to blame people - individuals - for the delay. But the reality is that the Liberian culture is not time-conscious. Most people do not even have a clock or a watch... the only clock in the whole school is in the front of the building. So the frustration is not with one person who dropped the ball - it's with a culture that functions differently than I am used to.
These are just a few small examples - and these not even explained as thoroughly as needed to really elucidate the source of my frustration. Feeling this much frustration is not always fun - it is often draining and defeating. Yet I think it's important to talk about this frustration. If my frustration really does result from being confronted with problems bigger than myself, then it's essential that I talk about these problems. If the effects and relentless cycle of extreme poverty frustrate me, then great - that's a start. But frustration is not enough. Frustration must turn to empowerment, empowerment to action, and action to a solution. I continue to pray daily for patience to understand and face my frustrations and do what I can about them, but also for strength not to turn away from frustration but to be motivated by it to do something more.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
More to Come Soon!
I know my posting has been sporadic... but I'm not done with this blog, I promise! More to come as soon as the internet is back regularly at Ricks. Thanks for sticking with me!
I'll Take That As A Compliment
Just a couple funny anecdotes I thought I would share.
A few weeks ago we had the opportunity to meet with the American Ambassador to Liberia, Linda Thomas-Greenfield. It was really interesting to here her talk about Liberia, the country's future and path to development, and partnership with the States. She was both impressive and personable - not at all intimidating! After about a 20 minute meeting as we were leaving, Olu mentioned to her that I am getting ready to begin my PhD and that I just graduated with my Master's degree. She laughed and said, "Master's?! You barely look like you could have graduated high school!" I thought I finally looked at least 20 years old, but according to the US Ambassador I'm apparently still a teenage look alike. I had a good laugh after that one!
My other favorite "compliment" often comes from my Liberian friends. Before the personal story, a brief cultural note... In Liberia, it's not really offensive to describe someone as fat. When describing someone, if they are even a little bigger, people have no qualms about saying "she's fat." It's like if I said "she has short hair" or "she's tall." It's really just a description, and not seen as a derisive term. In fact, it is often intended as a compliment... being fat means you're eating well, which is a good thing.
Alright, back to the anecdote. Coming to Liberia everyone speculated about how skinny I would be when I returned home and how much weight I would lose. So, you can imagine my frustration when all my clothes began fitting much tighter after a couple months here. Over Christmas break I began to really notice my new "insulation" so I made a conscious effort to eat better and exercise more. At the end of Christmas break when I returned to school I was greeted by a compliment; "Oh, you're looking good." "Thanks!" I replied. "I can tell you ate plenty over the break." "Thanks..." I said once again, this time in a slightly more dejected tone. My favorite example of this kind of "compliment" was when one of the girls on the basketball team came up to me, grabbed the fat on my arm, and said, "you're getting big!"
While these kinds of "compliments" would be pretty awful if received in the States, I have tried to take them in stride. It's just an observation! I love that, in Liberian culture, having a bigger body type is not a bad thing. Having some meat on your bones isn't a source of shame... it's just an attribute. Despite my initial dejection at receiving these kinds of compliments from my Liberian friends, I tried not to let on that I saw this fact as less than ideal. The States have shared enough of their culture - both good and bad things - already... I won't rush in the need to spread the obsession with the "perfect" body type.
Yes, this is a random post... but I find these stories funny and hope you will too!
A few weeks ago we had the opportunity to meet with the American Ambassador to Liberia, Linda Thomas-Greenfield. It was really interesting to here her talk about Liberia, the country's future and path to development, and partnership with the States. She was both impressive and personable - not at all intimidating! After about a 20 minute meeting as we were leaving, Olu mentioned to her that I am getting ready to begin my PhD and that I just graduated with my Master's degree. She laughed and said, "Master's?! You barely look like you could have graduated high school!" I thought I finally looked at least 20 years old, but according to the US Ambassador I'm apparently still a teenage look alike. I had a good laugh after that one!
My other favorite "compliment" often comes from my Liberian friends. Before the personal story, a brief cultural note... In Liberia, it's not really offensive to describe someone as fat. When describing someone, if they are even a little bigger, people have no qualms about saying "she's fat." It's like if I said "she has short hair" or "she's tall." It's really just a description, and not seen as a derisive term. In fact, it is often intended as a compliment... being fat means you're eating well, which is a good thing.
Alright, back to the anecdote. Coming to Liberia everyone speculated about how skinny I would be when I returned home and how much weight I would lose. So, you can imagine my frustration when all my clothes began fitting much tighter after a couple months here. Over Christmas break I began to really notice my new "insulation" so I made a conscious effort to eat better and exercise more. At the end of Christmas break when I returned to school I was greeted by a compliment; "Oh, you're looking good." "Thanks!" I replied. "I can tell you ate plenty over the break." "Thanks..." I said once again, this time in a slightly more dejected tone. My favorite example of this kind of "compliment" was when one of the girls on the basketball team came up to me, grabbed the fat on my arm, and said, "you're getting big!"
While these kinds of "compliments" would be pretty awful if received in the States, I have tried to take them in stride. It's just an observation! I love that, in Liberian culture, having a bigger body type is not a bad thing. Having some meat on your bones isn't a source of shame... it's just an attribute. Despite my initial dejection at receiving these kinds of compliments from my Liberian friends, I tried not to let on that I saw this fact as less than ideal. The States have shared enough of their culture - both good and bad things - already... I won't rush in the need to spread the obsession with the "perfect" body type.
Yes, this is a random post... but I find these stories funny and hope you will too!
Friday, April 2, 2010
What's Been Happening at Ricks
So much has been happening at Ricks over the last few weeks! Even though our 5th marking period has been filled with lots of holidays and days off from school, there has still been a lot going on.
A quick note: our internet at the school is down for the moment due to a broken router... we're working on getting a new one ASAP, but in the meantime my posts might be a little scarce!
I'll start with the biggest news first: the Ricks Olympics!! The Ricks Olympics used to be a grand tradition of Ricks Institute. I'm not sure exactly when it began, but I know the last year it happened was back in 1989 when the civil war started. Before the war, the Ricks Olympics was known throughout Liberia. Schools would come from all over the country to participate in the events. To win the Ricks Olympics was a big deal for any sports teams, and the Dragons worked hard to keep as many victories at home as they could.
The efforts to bring the Olympics back this year were not just about giving schools a chance to play sports - the Olympics represent the rebuilding that's happening in Liberia. The Olympics are intended not to breed competitiveness (although some healthy competition is certainly a part of it!) but to foster relationships and youth development. This year the Olympics brought together 15 schools representing, I believe, at least 6 of the 15 counties in Liberia. At the height of the games on Friday (games started Friday, were single elimination, and ended Saturday), I would say there were probably at least 1,000 people - both participants and spectators - on campus for the event. The Olympics received several major sponsorships: Lonestar Cell, a major cell phone company in Liberia, invested about $15,000 in the campus doing renovations of the courts, fields, and facilities in exchange for painting their logo in a few places... not a bad deal!; Coca-Cola had the exclusive right to sell beverages on campus, and all proceeds from their sales were donated to Ricks; LBDI, one of the biggest banks in Liberia; and others I'm sure I'm forgetting!
Overall, I think the Olympics were a definite success. There weren't any major disputes over the outcomes of games (we hired officials from various organizations around Liberia), the students all seemed to get along (even all the ones crammed in the dorms with Ricks students!), and the teams seemed to have fun competing. The games gave the students a chance to meet new friends from lots of different counties and learn a little bit more about life in the various schools in Liberia.
Oh - I guess I should talk about how all the teams did! The female kickball team and the male soccer team both won 1 game and lost their second. They all played well though, and at least won 1 game at home! The male basketball team finally played to their potential and won the Olympic plaque for male basketball! They were so excited, as were all the spectators! The girls basketball team had one game Friday and one game Saturday. We played fairly sloppy on Friday, but pulled together enough to win the game... the end was definitely better than the beginning! On Saturday, the Ricks kickball game was right before the basketball game, and 3 of our starting players are on the kickball team. So, by the time they finished that game, they barely had enough time to change uniforms before hitting the court for our game. Needless to say, they were rather exhausted. That, in addition to lots of missed layups and giving up a little bit at the end, the Lady Dragons suffered their first lost of the year on Saturday. However, the team we played, Nathaniel Gibson, was an excellent team and really did outplay us on the court. We're just hoping we can work hard and play them again before we leave!
In other Ricks news, this week also brought about the Miss Ricks Pageant. There were 6 contestants who have been working for months to prepare for the show. There was a kickoff the weekend of the Olympics I went to, and the girls all looked great and had obviously put a lot of work into preparing for the pageant. However, the night of the show was at the height of a week that had been long and frustrating for me for many reasons. When the show was 2 hours late to start, it conflicted with a phone call I had scheduled with a student at a graduate school, and I just couldn't hang around waiting for the show to start... so sadly, I did not see the pageant. I did, however, hear rave reviews the next day... it's clear the contestants and organizers put a lot of work in to the show! All in all, it was another major event at Ricks - one of two within the same week! - that showed the progress Ricks is making and the continued growth and rebuilding of the school and youth development in Liberia.
The excitement is calming down a bit over the next 2 weeks; we have today and Monday off for Easter, next Friday off for Liberian Fasting and Prayer Day, and then the following week we have our 5th period tests. It's amazing how quickly all of this is passing by... for now I'm just trying to make the most of every day I have left here in LIB!
A quick note: our internet at the school is down for the moment due to a broken router... we're working on getting a new one ASAP, but in the meantime my posts might be a little scarce!
I'll start with the biggest news first: the Ricks Olympics!! The Ricks Olympics used to be a grand tradition of Ricks Institute. I'm not sure exactly when it began, but I know the last year it happened was back in 1989 when the civil war started. Before the war, the Ricks Olympics was known throughout Liberia. Schools would come from all over the country to participate in the events. To win the Ricks Olympics was a big deal for any sports teams, and the Dragons worked hard to keep as many victories at home as they could.
The efforts to bring the Olympics back this year were not just about giving schools a chance to play sports - the Olympics represent the rebuilding that's happening in Liberia. The Olympics are intended not to breed competitiveness (although some healthy competition is certainly a part of it!) but to foster relationships and youth development. This year the Olympics brought together 15 schools representing, I believe, at least 6 of the 15 counties in Liberia. At the height of the games on Friday (games started Friday, were single elimination, and ended Saturday), I would say there were probably at least 1,000 people - both participants and spectators - on campus for the event. The Olympics received several major sponsorships: Lonestar Cell, a major cell phone company in Liberia, invested about $15,000 in the campus doing renovations of the courts, fields, and facilities in exchange for painting their logo in a few places... not a bad deal!; Coca-Cola had the exclusive right to sell beverages on campus, and all proceeds from their sales were donated to Ricks; LBDI, one of the biggest banks in Liberia; and others I'm sure I'm forgetting!
Overall, I think the Olympics were a definite success. There weren't any major disputes over the outcomes of games (we hired officials from various organizations around Liberia), the students all seemed to get along (even all the ones crammed in the dorms with Ricks students!), and the teams seemed to have fun competing. The games gave the students a chance to meet new friends from lots of different counties and learn a little bit more about life in the various schools in Liberia.
Oh - I guess I should talk about how all the teams did! The female kickball team and the male soccer team both won 1 game and lost their second. They all played well though, and at least won 1 game at home! The male basketball team finally played to their potential and won the Olympic plaque for male basketball! They were so excited, as were all the spectators! The girls basketball team had one game Friday and one game Saturday. We played fairly sloppy on Friday, but pulled together enough to win the game... the end was definitely better than the beginning! On Saturday, the Ricks kickball game was right before the basketball game, and 3 of our starting players are on the kickball team. So, by the time they finished that game, they barely had enough time to change uniforms before hitting the court for our game. Needless to say, they were rather exhausted. That, in addition to lots of missed layups and giving up a little bit at the end, the Lady Dragons suffered their first lost of the year on Saturday. However, the team we played, Nathaniel Gibson, was an excellent team and really did outplay us on the court. We're just hoping we can work hard and play them again before we leave!
In other Ricks news, this week also brought about the Miss Ricks Pageant. There were 6 contestants who have been working for months to prepare for the show. There was a kickoff the weekend of the Olympics I went to, and the girls all looked great and had obviously put a lot of work into preparing for the pageant. However, the night of the show was at the height of a week that had been long and frustrating for me for many reasons. When the show was 2 hours late to start, it conflicted with a phone call I had scheduled with a student at a graduate school, and I just couldn't hang around waiting for the show to start... so sadly, I did not see the pageant. I did, however, hear rave reviews the next day... it's clear the contestants and organizers put a lot of work in to the show! All in all, it was another major event at Ricks - one of two within the same week! - that showed the progress Ricks is making and the continued growth and rebuilding of the school and youth development in Liberia.
The excitement is calming down a bit over the next 2 weeks; we have today and Monday off for Easter, next Friday off for Liberian Fasting and Prayer Day, and then the following week we have our 5th period tests. It's amazing how quickly all of this is passing by... for now I'm just trying to make the most of every day I have left here in LIB!
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