The Next Chapter

As one chapter in my life has wrapped up, the next is just beginning.

Today marks my first full day on my own in my new home, Nashville, Tennessee.  I drove up with my family on Saturday, moved in on Sunday and Monday, and am now in the long process of sorting through all of the boxes that sit inside this new house that is now my home.

I'm getting ahead of myself - let me step back a minute...

This summer has been a whirlwind.  Here's the quick summary: home from Liberia; Nashville for a day to house-hunt; home to buy a car; bachelorette party for my sister; a couple days at home; my sister's wedding in Key West, FL; trip to Atlanta, GA, Wingate, NC, and Winston-Salem, NC for about 10 days; home for my sister's wedding celebration; 4 days at home; St. Louis, Missouri for Passport youth camp; family reunion/beach trip in Alligator Point, FL; home for 4 days; move to Nashville. 

People have asked me a few times how the "reverse culture-shock" has been, but with all that has been happening, I haven't had too much time to sit and process.  I think I've talked about this a little bit before, but the discomfort that comes with feeling strange in your own home comes and goes.  There are days when I feel completely normal in a Super Target and days when it feels like a foreign land.  There are times when I wish that I was still in Liberia, and times when it seems so far away and so different that it feels almost as if it were all a dream.  I try to surround myself with small reminders that help me hold my memories close and motivate me to try to stay in touch with the people in Liberia who have been so dear to me over this past year.  There are moments I miss it so deeply.  I look forward to the day when I will know for sure that I am going back.

In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on my new reality: Nashville.  I'm still in that awkward beginning phase of living in a new place when you don't really know who your friends are, where the grocery stores are, where to go for a run, etc.  I know I've experienced this each time I've moved to a new place, but it's funny how the memory of this part of the transition always fades so that when you experience the awkwardness, it takes you my surprise yet again.  I know in a month or two I will get used to being here, learn my way around, and maybe even make a friend or two.  In the meantime, I'm trying to appreciate the final few weeks of an unscheduled life before school starts and things really get going.

All I can hope for is that Nashville is as special to me as all the other cities I've lived in have been!!    

A Note of Clarification

This blog is not over. 

It's not about Liberia, exclusively.  It's about my trying to make a difference in the world and sharing my journey with you all.  So stay tuned... the blogs may be less frequent and may seem less exotic, but I'm going to try to keep it interesting :)

Things Change

It has been less than a week since I arrived back Stateside from Liberia, and it is unbelievable to me how quickly life has swept me back up into the frenzied pace I can't seem to get away from in America.  After over 30 hours of travel, I finally arrived home on Saturday night.  For all those who are wondering, my first meal was at a local Mexican restaurant: nachos for an appetizer, then a burrito with beans and rice for the meal (which I could barely even put a dent in after all those nachos!). 

Sunday my family and I went to my church in Tampa where I was greeted with the "surprise, you're speaking this morning!"  I suspected this might be the case though, and I don't at all mind impromptu talks about Liberia :)  It was great to see some familiar faces and be back in my church for the morning.  After church, the random errands began, from beginning looking for a car to getting a cell phone.  Monday the fast-pace persisted as I looked for a car, got my dress altered for my sister's wedding, and tried in vain to get a loan for said car at the bank.  Fortunately some of the car dealers think they might be able to make something work, so I'm holding out hope that I will find some means of transportation for the summer (and beyond)!

Tuesday morning I went to the airport super early to catch a flight to Nashville, TN, my new hometown... you can bet I was reluctant to get on an airplane again!!  The next day and a half in Nashville were nuts!  I think I looked at 9 different housing locations, met 3 prospective roommates, 3 students and a couple professors from my program, and got to spend time with my friend from Passport and host for the weekend, Klem-Mari.  At the end of it all, I have housing narrowed down to 3 options and will hopefully make a decision in the next few days and be able to check "find a place to live in August" off my list. 

I'm currently milling around the Cincinnati, Ohio airport after some flight misadventures.  Thankfully, I will make it back to Tampa tonight, with one minute to spare - 11:59pm. 

So I guess the pressing question of the moment is, "what's it like to be back in the States?"  This is a tough question to answer with any completeness, so I'll give you the summary response:
- It is good to see family and friends.
- It's nice to have the AC (even though it's blazing hot!), familiar food, showers, etc.
- It's not good to leave yourself zero time to re-adjust.  I'm exhausted in every sense of the word.
- America is a strange, strange place, and no matter how much anyone tries, no one knows my experiences from the last year (just like I will never fully know your experiences either).  I want people to look at me and recognize that I'm a white Liberian trying to get used to America, but they don't.  I want to talk about Liberia all the time, but it turns out that other people have other things they want to talk about as well...

With all that said, I am OK.  I'm slowly re-learning how to drive with speed limits and lines on the road, how to wear make-up or blow-dry my hair, how to carry a purse, how to send text messages, and all the little things I didn't realize I had almost forgotten how to do.

I think the strangest part of it all is not my surroundings - it's me.  I'm suddenly back in a place where I'm supposed to feel comfortable and familiar, but I don't.  In an indescribable way, I am uncomfortable.  I've changed, in ways I don't even know yet, and because of that my experience of the world around me is changing as well. 

It will all even out, and one day soon I will get at least 8 hours of sleep and slowly begin to figure out how to be an American again.  Until then, I'm just taking it one day at a time!

Last Post from Liberia

It feels impossible to explain how strange it is to be writing my last post from Liberia.  My head knows that this will be my last - for this time around at least - but the rest of me is struggling to grasp that reality. 

It's about 2:30pm right now here... as I go through this day, I keep reminding myself to soak it all in, because it's the last of each thing.  Enjoy the walk up the path to the school.  Enjoy this meal in the dining hall.  Enjoy the sound of the rain falling.  Enjoy the visits to the house from friends and neighbors. 

Enjoy it.  Remember it.  Appreciate it.  Don't forget it.

By the time I write my next post I'm sure this will all have set in more surely as I will actually be away from Ricks.  For now it's hard to shake the feeling that I'm just taking a short trip - a weekend away - and that I'll be back soon.  I have every intention of coming back one day, although I do not know when or in what capacity or for how long or who I will come with.  But I know that my return is not imminent.  It will be at least a year, likely more, before I can set foot on the soil of Liberia again. 

My emotions are mixed, for sure.  There's the obvious sadness of saying goodbye to the people who have been my family and the place that has been my home for the last 10 months.  There's a certain amount of curiosity, almost worry, about whether and how the things we have begun here at Ricks will continue.  There is great hope and expectation that the next time I see Ricks, and Liberia in general, it will look much different than it does now, in a really great way.  There is some apprehension about re-entering American culture after spending a year in a culture that is vastly different in so many ways. 

So it is with a heart and head swimming with all these thoughts and emotions that I prepare to say goodbye. 

Words are not sufficient... but I was listening to "Small Town Jericho" by Sugarland last night and I thought it appropriate for this occasion:

"It's hard to say goodbye,
Cause baby it's a good life.
Goodbye to memories that I saved
Goodbye to all the friends I made
Goodbye to all the home I'll ever know..."

And with that, there's nothing left to say but, "Farewell!  I'll catch you on the other side of the Atlantic."

The Daily Observer

Yesterday Ann Elizabeth and I had the chance to take one final trip with a group of students.  Throughout the year we have been leading a writing workshop with a group of 10 students.  We meet for an hour each week and listen to the students' writing and work to improve each person's skills.  Throughout the year we have worked on descriptive writing, research, informative writing, creative writing (writing short stories), writing about the past, writing about the future, etc.  We are continually impressed by the writing of each of our students... their creativity, unique way with words, and genuine enjoyment of the writing process.  In order to wrap up a great year, we wanted to take the students somewhere that would be educational yet enjoyable.  So on Tuesday we went into Monrovia to the headquarters of the Daily Observer, one of the most popular and oldest (it has been around since 1981) daily newspapers in Liberia.

Our contact person at the Daily Observer was Mr. Kenneth Best, Manager and Publisher of the paper.  Mr. Best had to be at least 70 years old, but you would never know from meeting him.  He was extremely knowledgeable (especially when it comes to Liberian history!), engaging, and inspiring in his conversation with our group.  He nit-picked the students pronunciation of every word - especially his last name... for example, his name isn't "Bess" or "Bea", it's "BesT."  As he pointed out, Liberians like to leave of the "t" or the "s" at the end of a word - but not in his office!  We stood in his office for well over 2 hours - although I think our backs and feet were all sore by the end, our minds were spinning.  We talked about everything including the secret love of a former President/poet, why he prefers to publish his most recent book here and not the US, how many times previous governments burned down the Daily Observer office because of the articles they wrote, and his time in prison for writing about the government.  I think we all could have stayed there talking with Mr. Best for the rest of the day without losing interest!

After talking with Mr. Best we met the new Associate Editor, Fatumata, a bright young woman who just recently accepted this new position.  She could certainly serve as an inspiration to many of our female students!  She showed us around the building to the IT room, the press room, the publishing room, the printer, and the library.  I think one of the most impressive things about the Daily Observer is how unimpressive the circumstances are where they are working.  The headquarters is an old building with a roof that leaks in the rain.  There is one small toilet in a space more akin to a closet than a bathroom.  There are a few new Dell desktop computer but otherwise the office is dominated by ancient-looking PCs and printers.  The work space appeared to mostly be large desks in small rooms used by as many people as could fit in the work space.  The library was nothing more than a small room with papers grouped together with manila folders and stacked in piles around the room.  Even the printing room was composed of only a few small printing machines; it was clear that if one broke, the whole operation would be thrown for a loop. 

Despite the limited resources, the Daily Observer puts out a lengthy newspaper, on time, each morning.  The paper features articles about health, the environment, sports, international news, local politics, economics, editorials, columns, and so much more.  The paper is one of the highest quality papers in Liberia.  Although Mr. Best pointed out that no paper is ever error-free, they strive to continually improve the paper and make it the best it can be. 

Some of the most exciting parts of our trip were the opportunities we were given by the Daily Observer.  They first offered to publish a short story written by one of our students this Saturday!!  We are working on editing the story now and will submit it tomorrow morning!  Additionally, they offered to publish any articles on environmental topics that our students wanted to write.  What an incredible opportunity for teenagers to have their work published in a major national newspaper!

We finished off our tour with sodas and biscuits (oreo-like cookies) generously provided by Mr. Best and the Daily Observer.  What a great trip!

If you want to check out the paper, you can do so here:
http://www.liberianobserver.com/

Dialogue from a Distance

On Thursday afternoon, Ann Elizabeth and I had the opportunity to travel to the American Library (a section of the US Embassy) with 5 students and their faculty sponsor, Mr. Sarnor, for a DVC (Digital Video Conference).  For these 5 students - Bendu, Isatta, Watchen, Joroam, and Theophilus - DVC was nothing new.  There have been several opportunities in the past for them to conference with others - whether they be at other schools in the US or members of a church, etc.  The DVC is no casual Skype session - it is typically a formal affair about a specific topic that involves hours of preparation before the conference.  Typically the DVCs are held in the morning so I have never been able to go due to my class schedule; with this one being in the afternoon it was the perfect opportunity for me to be able to see the students in action.  The information the students received prior to this session stated that the discussion would be held with students in South Africa and Uganda about the state of the Liberian government under Ellen Johnson Sirleaf's presidency and the progress or problems they perceived since she took office. 

We arrived at the American Library and sat around a U-shaped conference table with a TV and camera at the top of the U.  The room was fairly plain with the exception of pictures from Liberia - especially ones with the American Ambassador - and portraits of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Hilary Clinton.  After a little waiting, the TV was dialed into a conference.  We weren't sure exactly what was happening at first, but eventually we figured out we were watching a conference between the US and Cameroon but we were not participating.  That conference was mostly about journalism, freedom of press, and social networking sites.  We could see and hear the American participants well, but it was virtually impossible to hear the students in Cameroon.  After their conference was over, we were told it was Liberia's turn. 

New American panelists came out and we listened to them introduce themselves to boisterous applause.  Even though the panel was only made up of 5 people, it was evident they were in a large hall with a big audience.  No introduction of our students in Liberia was made.  The conference started with a discussion of youth leadership and how young people are involved in the development and rebuilding of post-war Liberia.  There was one question about progress being made in Liberia under Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, but then we seemed to go off on a tangent about how music inspires and influences youth.  These were not the questions that our students had spent hours preparing.  What was interesting to me was that the American and Liberian students were being asked similar questions; I expected each to talk about their own country, but apparently the American students had researched Liberia prior to the DVC.  While the American students sat in their large cushy chairs and gave responses on microphones met with boisterous applause, the students here in Liberia fought to speak loud enough for one central microphone to pick up their voice.  Worst of all, there was a terrible echo - delayed about 5 seconds - in our small little room.  Because of this delay, students were often cut off when they attempted to add to another student's response to a particular question.  The DVC was cut short after about 10 minutes due to technical difficulties - sadly before all the Liberian students even had a chance to speak.  After the DVC was over, we could hear comments being made to the participants in the US - "please go to such and such room for lunch."  We wished we could join in for lunch!  The difference in circumstances, to me, was stark. 

What was most impressive, however, was the composure with which our students performed in the situation.  It was clear their previous DVCs had not had these kind of technical difficulties.  Despite the echo, the seemingly random questions, and the general confusion of the DVC, the Ricks students were composed and confident in their answers.  I don't think anyone could tell that the answers they gave were not the responses they prepared.  Anyone who has observed the educational system in the US and Liberia will tell you that Liberia is behind - how could they not be after 14 years of civil war?  But in all honesty and with as much objectivity as possible, I would say the Liberian students answered the questions better than the American discussants.  This speaks volumes of these 5 youth and their potential as future leaders of Liberia. 

I left this DVC thinking over the whole situation.  Who was really benefiting from this?  At first I thought bitterly of the American students in their enormous hall with ego assuaging applause after every response and the authority with which they felt they could speak about Liberia after doing a little research.  And then I thought fondly of our Liberian students, sitting in their plain little room after hours of preparation feeling disappointed by the brevity and lack of depth to the discussion.  Then I took a step back - both groups of students were making a genuine effort to communicate across the Atlantic about a common topic.  They were both doing the best in their particular circumstances.  And despite the shortcomings of the conversation, they did engage in conversation.  If nothing else, these students benefited from making the effort to communicate and prepare for this conversation, even if the conversation itself was a bit lackluster.  Technology is not perfect,  no matter where in the world you are.  What was important on this day was the intent and the effort to learn from others, and I think that did happen on some level.       

Musical Reflections

There are a couple of songs I've been listening to recently that have inspired me in one way or another, so I thought I would take a few minutes to share some of the lyrics/my thoughts with you all.

The first is a song entitled "Further the Sky" by The Gabe Dixon Band.  The first time I listened to it, I thought it rather pessimistic; but the more I listened, the more I found the lyrics to be honest and truthful.  The chorus goes as follows:

"The higher you reach
     the further the sky,
The more miles you walk
     the longer the road,
The steeper you climb
     the farther you stand to fall,
The stronger you get
     the heavier the load."

At first, the message I heard from these words was "the more you do, the more you have to do," like trying to climb your way out of quicksand.  But as I mulled over these words (this song was stuck in my head for days!), I realized the truth this song spoke to me, especially as it relates to my work here in Liberia.  I came with naive ambition and a "change the world" mindset.  "All my students will pass!"  "A new love of math will emerge among the junior high students at Ricks!"  Yet my frustration grew deep as students failed and seemed unmotivated at times.  The more I do, the more I realize there is to be done.  It's not that my work is creating more work; my work is simply opening my eyes up to the needs that have been present all along that I was unable to see before.  The more I get to know Liberia, the more I understand her problems; the more I understand her problems, the more realistically I can think about the solutions and the obstacles that stand in the way of achieving those.  But through all that, I don't think the message is to stop reaching, walking, climbing, or getting stronger - I think the message is to continue doing those things knowing that you will never be "finished" but instead appreciating the journey that the pursuit of the sky leads you on. 

I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I hope I am!  This next song is more straight-forward.  Just as Gabe Dixon points out that we might not ever achieve the goal we're striving for, Carrie Underwood reminds me that any change, even the smallest, is worth making.  In the song "Change" Carrie Underwood says the following:

"Do you tell yourself -
     'You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world?'
Don't listen to them when they say,
     'You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.'
The smallest thing can make all the difference,
     Love is alive
Don't listen to them when they say,
     'You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.'"

Some people do think me naive, a fool even, for believing that this world can change.  I do believe that our generation has the opportunity to end extreme poverty (defined as living on less than $1 or $2 a day, depending on which definition you use).  I believe it is possible to actually transform the world so no one has to watch their child die of diarrhea or chicken pox or hunger.  I don't want to go off on a tangent here, but if you don't believe me, read "The End of Poverty" by Jeffrey Sachs and let me know what you think.  The point is, I believe that each and every individual, no matter where they are in the world or in life, can make a difference.  We can all change the world.  And I won't listen to them when they say I'm a fool for believing this is true.

I'm not fooling myself either - I recognize there are tremendous obstacles that lie in the way.  I've experienced throughout this year the challenges that come with trying to change even just a couple hundred lives.  But the effort is worth it.  Even if I have only changed one life this year, and even if that change was only in a small way... well, that's something, and it matters to that one person.  Can you imagine what this world would look like if we ALL did something?